A long hard year!

With my last post, I was talking about how we were trying to get mom stronger. Sadly it didn't work. She passed away in July 2015. I have been a nutcase since. As you can imagine. So..... From now on I am going to tell you all about my life now. The good times, the bad, the things I love, My mommy, kids, family, crafts, reviews! All the growing up I have done and need to do. This post is just to let you all know I am alive and well and working on life! Please join me in passing along my blog to people so they can see we all have lives that connect in so many ways. From family, to crafts, to our parents or hobbies! Help me grow and watch me grow! Grow with me!

A step forward in life!

I have lots of good news to talk about. Mom is doing better! She was discharged from hospice for a week and we decided to go back on hospice for the next 5 weeks. We have 5 weeks to get her strong enough for chemo again. Her cancer in her lungs has gotten smaller (about 2 cm it used to be the size of a halo orange) and they saw some lymph nodes in her abdomen that were inflamed. The doctor seem happy with these results.

I have also decided to make my blog about mom and products I have tested and reviewed. I am looking into finding products to help her recovery and help with her muscle strength. I did recently get her a jacket that she loves and will be posting pictures of it soon as well as a review for it!  I am really looking forward to the new things going on in our lives!

Moms progress is first and foremost the most important thing in my life. This blog is my personal feelings on her recovery and products I get to review while taking care of her!

Thanks for reading and I look forward to reading any comments or suggestions you want to leave me!

God Bless!!!

A day of Exile.

Well today was a good day sorta! Mom and I talked about how we feel like we are being punished or exiled from any help. See, my aunt is usually here on Wednesdays and Fridays. Well, she cant make it right now do to financial hardships. Then my moms best friend was coming up for a few weeks which would have been a huge help but on the way here her and her husband had a very scary accident. Both of them are fine thank God!!! They were thankfully in God's own hand during that accident. Needless to say, my brothers don't help often so we are feeling like we have been exiled from help. We are left with trying to figure out ways for mom to be OK alone for an hour or 2 for me to take my kids to the doctor or practice.

In the middle of our talk we realized that we are being exiled not because we are un-deserving but bc we need to rely on God and not man. This was a major breakthrough for us at that moment.

We talked about how if she does not get better, I will never have that wedding cake she has been dreaming of making me since I was 2. She will never see her grand-kids basketball games and cheerleading activities. She will never see what the other grand-children grow up and do. She will never attend my own wedding with or without the cake.

Why is it that we are being attacked so much when people who are not Christian's walk around winning the lottery and have loads of money to take care of their families. Why do non- Christians seem to have everything the desire and we as Christians are ALWAYS struggling. I know its not just our family. I see so many people at church who have everything they want and they have no issues seen by the outside world.

We just sat here crying for like an hour about how none of this is fair. We do everything by the book. We are very strong believers. We tithe, and pray from sun up to sun up, we read the bible. Most of all we believe and love Jesus Christ and except him into our lives. And yet, our lives the past few years have been so much struggle. It almost feels like we have been forgotten about by God. I know we have not!!! I see and am thankful for blessings everyday. But the big things we need help with, there is none.

Everybody who has wanted to help and said they could, has been attacked in one way or another. WHY?! Is it solely because we need to depend on God? Or is it because Satan wants us to crack? Well guess what?! Even if we crack God still has our back!!! So, we just duck and pray and hold each other. We will be fine because God says so. A break would be nice though.

And that's my rant!!! Time for bed!!! Please leave a comment or join my page for more updates on mom! Physically she is doing ok! Mentally she is tired of being sick and tired. She feels as if she is a burden but she does not understand that she is not! We are where we are supposed to be.

Wow what a day!

Well, The day started out a little hectic but a good hectic. My kids had their first games today! Summer is 7 and she is a cheerleader. Jordan is 11 and she does basketball. We were a little late getting Summer there but she did an amazing job! Jordan was early and did amazing! Next set of games I'm hoping I can stay for both kids games. Sadly i had to miss Jordan's to be with mom. However, My brother and sister-in-law were able to take her and watch the game! She is just learning the skills she needs to play. Her team lost but she won an award for being "Most Christ Like" meaning she was a good team player and was respectful and helpful to other kids shorter than her. I am so proud of my kids!

Now to mom, We had a good day I would say. She ate and was awake for a little bit. She talked my aunts head off all night so this morning she only stayed up a little bit.  She is drinking coffee every now and then. doing daily exercises. Working those legs to get more muscle back.

I missed half of her day bc I had to drive to KY bc my moms best friend and husband were in an accident. It was by the grace and hand of God that they walked out with hardly anything wrong. I see it plain as day and it will hit in the next few hours just how blessed they truly are. It could have been very tragic! God said not this time! I'm thankful I got to get down there quick. They were on their way here to our house to see mom. I am not thrilled with the treatment in the hospital but I couldn't do anything about it. Long story.

Now this whole blog is called F.R.O.G. in my shoe! This will be my little spot where I say just what I'm feeling. Where I ramble and vent.

Venting starts........ NOW

I am just a little agitated because I feel like no matter what I do I have everyone telling me I am doing everything wrong. I don't clean the way they want me to clean, I don't apply enough cream on mom, I need to ask for help from people who should already be wanting to help. I am seriously bothered with the fact that just because I'm a single mom with no life that I don't deserve a break. Just a few hours or over night! Its only OK for couples to leave their children for any reason! I disagree with that! Well guess what. I'm told I'm not strong enough to take care of my mom. Told That I'm going to hurt her more. That I'm going to cause her to go down hill?! My mom has been my rock and best friend since God started giving us 15 secs of talking and not fighting! I have been the only kid 100% behind my mom my whole life! I don't see anybody else stepping up!

So not only do I not get a break or to sleep in my own bed, I was informed today that by sleeping in the same bed as my best friend (who is a guy) just so I can cry myself to sleep and be weak 1 day a week and be held I am committing a major sin. Not allowed to happen. Its not a sexual relationship nor will it build to one. But I respect my moms wishes and agreed. So now I lose that to. I lose my job, My boyfriend, One of my other best friends, and now I lose the only time i get to be weak and somebody hold me on a totally platonic level. Plus I get to see the ups and downs with mom! All I do is clean, Cook, take care of kids, take care of mom, eat and sleep. Now I am not complaining! I would never want anybody else to take care of mom. I'm the woman for the job! PERIOD! but time away would be nice, I am shocked and extremely heartbroken over losing my boyfriend. I still cant tell you what happen. 2014 was the year of loss! maybe 2015 will be the year of blessing. I just know that no matter what...... I have to Fully Rely On God! and I will be ok.

Thanks for reading!

How this blog came to be!

In the beginning God made Ken and Diane!

Hello and thanks for checking out my blog! This Blog was inspired by my mom! I am currently taking care of her on hospice and I have needed an "outlet" to get things off my chest. She said, "Start a blog! Talk about your feelings, how things are going, and reviews for products you use to help take care of your family!" So here I am! Blogging! 

On May 30th, 2014 my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 large cell lung cancer. Which just so happened to be her birthday and only 3 months past her mother passing away from a tragic freak accident. She handled things as expected. Cried, became depressed, got angry, then started fighting! I was there going through all of it with her. I always have been there for her. We have been each others backbone and rock for a long time, since I was 15. We went through radiation and Chemo. We went to doctors appointments. We cried and prayed. We had LOTS of help crying and praying! Her best friend even came up for a month at a time at least 2 times since this all began!

Now, all of us that know my mom, knows she is a fighter. She has fought for our family against Satan himself on a daily basis! She is the strongest person I know! To see her go from rough tough sweet mom to this fragile woman that is torn between being sick and tired of being sick and tired and "I gotta fight for my life and family" has taken a lot out on me alone. This fight is all her and God and I know it. But! I have 2 children going through all of this with us, plus my amazing dad and brothers.

This blog is about our daily fight. My mom and I! She wants me to get out what I am going through because just sometimes people really don't understand and can never understand truly what I, myself am going through! Again this was her idea! I will talk about the highs and lows. I will talk about products I am reviewing because that's what I do in my spare time now that I'm not working. This is my life spread out on a blog for all to see. Welcome to the fun!